Here's an Minuscule Phobia I Want to Overcome. I Will Never Be a Fan, but Can I at Least Be Normal Concerning Spiders?

I maintain the conviction that it is never too late to transform. I think you can in fact teach an old dog new tricks, on the condition that the mature being is willing and ready for growth. Provided that the individual in question is willing to admit when it was in error, and endeavor to transform into a better dog.

Well, admittedly, I am that seasoned creature. And the lesson I am attempting to master, although I am set in my ways? It is an major undertaking, a feat I have struggled with, repeatedly, for my whole existence. My ongoing effort … to become less scared of those large arachnids. My regrets to all the other spiders that exist; I have to be pragmatic about my capacity for development as a human. The focus must remain on the huntsman because it is large, in charge, and the one I see with the greatest frequency. Including a trio of instances in the previous seven days. In my own living space. You can’t see me, but I’m shaking my head with discomfort as I type.

I doubt I’ll ever reach “admirer” status, but I've dedicated effort to at least becoming Normal about them.

I have been terrified of spiders since I was a child (in contrast to other children who find them delightful). Growing up, I had ample brothers around to make sure I never had to handle any personally, but I still freaked out if one was obviously in the general area as me. One incident stands out of one morning when I was eight, my family still asleep, and trying to deal with a spider that had ascended the family room partition. I “handled” with it by positioning myself at a great distance, nearly crossing the threshold (for fear that it pursued me), and emptying half a bottle of bug repellent toward it. It didn’t reach the spider, but it did reach and annoy everyone in my house.

As I got older, whoever I was dating or cohabiting with was, by default, the most courageous of spiders in our pairing, and therefore in charge of managing the intruder, while I made low keening sounds and ran away. In moments of solitude, my strategy was simply to exit the space, douse the illumination and try to ignore its being before I had to re-enter.

In a recent episode, I was a guest at a pal's residence where there was a particularly sizable huntsman who lived in the window frame, primarily lingering. In order to be less fearful, I conceptualized the spider as a 'girlie', a one of the girls, part of the group, just chilling in the sun and listening to us chat. This may seem quite foolish, but it worked (to some degree). Alternatively, making a conscious choice to become less phobic proved successful.

Whatever the case, I’ve tried to keep it up. I think about all the logical reasons not to be scared. I know huntsman spiders pose no threat to me. I know they eat things like insect pests (the bane of my existence). I know they are one of nature’s beautiful, non-threatening to people creatures.

Unfortunately, however, they do continue to move like that. They travel in the deeply alarming and almost unjust way imaginable. The sight of their numerous appendages transporting them at that terrible speed causes my primordial instincts to enter panic mode. They claim to only have a standard octet of limbs, but I maintain that multiplies when they move.

However it isn’t their fault that they have scary legs, and they have the same privilege to be where I am – if not more. I’ve found that employing the techniques of making an effort to avoid immediately exit my own skin and run away when I see one, trying to remain composed and breathing steadily, and deliberately thinking about their beneficial attributes, has actually started to help.

Just because they are hairy creatures that scuttle about extremely quickly in a way that haunts my sleep, is no reason for they merit my intense dislike, or my girly screams. I am willing to confess when my reactions have been misguided and motivated by baseless terror. I’m not sure I’ll ever make it to the “trapping one under a cup and taking it outside” level, but you never know. There’s a few years for this seasoned learner yet.