Evening Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's top entertainers spent their airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just announced immigration program, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Pointed Spin

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... ruins each thing he touches."

The subject was the new initiative that permits international nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" version for five million. A government website pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A brief thought for you to rich immigrants: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the scheme is also meant to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The most thorough screening the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval ratings amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.